Hearts that aren't our own
by Nyra Lily Potter
Summary: When Harry brings up the subject of marriage once again, it leads to an argument. Sirius and Harry learn the consequences that distracting tempers can cause. SLASH, Character death!


**For some reason my muse likes to torture a certain BWL. Oh well, enjoy and no flames please!**

** My inspiration for this was Don't Cry by Guns N' Roses.**

**Warnings: SLASH, angst**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

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><p>"Sirius?"<p>

"Hmm?"

"I want to get married."

Sirius sighed. "Harry, we've been over this a million times! We love each other, we don't need a piece of paper telling us that! It doesn't matter."

"It matters to _me_" said Harry venomously.

"Harry-" Sirius interjects, but is cut off by Harry.

"No, Sirius. It matters to me. All my life, all that I have wanted is a family!At the Dursley's I used to dream about falling in love, getting married and having children to call my own. And you would deny me this? Why?"

Sirius moved to kneel in front of Harry and took his hands in his own.

"I don't wish to deny you a family, Harry. I don't!" Sirius insisted. "I just don't see the point in getting married. We love each other very much, we know this, our friends know this! Hell, the whole _world_ probably knows it! I just don't understand why still want it!" He finished heatedly, panting heavily.

Harry just stared at Sirius, his face unreadable.

"Marriage is an act of love, an act of commitment," Harry said quietly, looking past Sirius' shoulder. His eyes snapped to Sirius' as a thought struck him. "Is that why? Are you afraid of commitment? That someone better than me will come along but you're already tied to me? Is that it?"

"No!" cried Sirius, shocked that Harry could think such a thing. "I love you, I always have and I always will!"

Harry chuckled humourlessly at the horrible cliché. "But it is true. You're afraid of commitment."

Sirius said nothing. Harry sighed and stood up. He grabbed his jacket off one of the dining room chairs, and got his keys.

"Where are you going?" asked Sirius, panicked.

"I need to think. I'll be back, I'm only going for a drive." Harry said before he left.

Sirius let out a shaky sigh. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was going to go wrong. He stood up and went to make himself a coffee. After all, it was probably nothing.

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><p>Harry furiously blinked back tears as he drove.<p>

'How dare he!' Harry thought. 'How dare he be so callous as to throw my dreams away!'

Harry, who was lost in his thoughts, only just saw the rabbit that ran out onto the road. He swore as he swerved to avoid the animal but couldn't get the car under control as he approached the corner. His eyes widened in terror just before the car crashed through the barriers and went sailing off the cliff.

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><p>Sirius was curled up on the leather couch, staring at the flames in the fire place, his third cup of coffee sitting on the side table next to the couch, cold. He was startled out of his daze by a knock on the door. He got up and stretched before answering. He opened the door to find two muggle policemen at the door.<p>

"Hello, what can I do for you?" Sirius asked, remembering to be polite.

"Are you Sirius Black?" one of them asked.

"Yes," said Sirius cautiously.

"Do you know of one Harry Potter?" the same policeman asked.

"Yes, I do," Sirius replied, very worried now. What had Harry done? "Why, what's happened?"

The other policeman stepped forward. "Sir, I regret to inform you that there was an accident-"

"What type of accident?" Sirius asked quickly, dread building up inside him.

"Mr Potter was driving along the Southern Coastal Highway when we believe he swerved to avoid something, most likely an animal. From the tyre tracks and the damage done to the corner fence, we believe Mr Potter lost control of the car and was unable to stop before he reached the corner and the car went through the barrier and off the cliff. Unfortunately, Mr Potter did not survive."

Sirius never remembered thanking the policemen nor did he ever remember flooing to Remus'.

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><p>Remus Lupin was reading in the study when he heard the floo going off. He got up and made his way to the lounge. What he saw shocked him. Sirius Black stood there, staring at the wall, looking lost.<p>

"Sirius?" Remus questioned quietly. Sirius turned vacant eyes towards him. Remus gasped and rushed to Sirius, taking him into his arms. "Sirius, what's happened?"

Then the dam broke. Sobbing, Sirius told him about the visit from the policemen and what they told him.

"H-He's gone, Moony! H-Harry's dead!"

Remus' body stiffened in shock. The little boy Remus thought of as his cub had left him and Sirius to join James and Lily. He was startled out of his shock by Sirius who clutched his arms, gazing at Remus desperately.

"I love him, he knows that, right? He knows I love him?"

"Of course, Paddy," said Remus, "Of course he knows that. He loves you too."

"But, we had a fight. We had a fight about getting married again and he left." Sirius let out a strangled gasp. "It's my fault! It's my fault he's dead! If I had just agreed he would never have left and I would still have my Harry! It's my fault!" Sirius sobbed even harder.

Remus tried to reassure Sirius and calm him down but it was all for nothing as the distraught man kept muttering 'Sorry Harry, I'm so sorry. My fault, all my fault'.

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><p>The funeral was held on a grey, dreary Tuesday. Rain was poring down on the mass of people dressed in black at the cemetery. It seemed even the heavens were crying for the innocent life that was stolen from the mortal world.<p>

Ron stared straight ahead holding Hermione just like Arthur Weasley held his weeping wife. Hagrid cried into his giant handkerchief at the back and Ginny held Neville's hand tightly. Sirius just looked at the coffin which Harry was enclosed in, Remus' hand on his shoulder.

"We are gathered here to today to celebrate and mourn the life and passing of Harry Potter..."

Sirius barely heard the wizard droning on nor did he really notice when people got up to speak. He remained stoic, his eyes locked on the black box with white lilies atop where the son of the woman who was named after those flowers lay. Remus had to hold Sirius back as the coffin was lowered.

"No, NO! He's not dead! Remus, let go of me, _let go!_ Harry _needs_ me! Harry! _HARRY!_ Don't go Harry! Please, I'll do anything! Harry, _please!_ Don't go, don't leave me!" Remus cradled Sirius in his arms as he sobbed for his lost lover.

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><p>Years went by and people moved on with their lives. Harry Potter became just another name in a textbook that was used in the History of Magic class at Hogwarts and the name inscribed on a slab of concrete, marking the final resting place of a man who died too young. Muggles who saw the grave just thought, 'Oh well, too bad' and carried on. To the magical population Harry Potter was a legend, like Grindelwald or even the founders; someone who was a part of their history, but someone they didn't know so he wasn't real.<p>

But to some people he was.

Sirius Black never truly recovered from losing the one who meant the world to him. Sirius felt like he was cursed, Remus having died a few years earlier, his lycanthropy finally taking it's toll on him. He'd never been able to escape the pain by turning into Padfoot, the Grim too felt immeasurable hurt at the loss of his mate. Although Sirius had considered suicide, he never attempted it, too afraid to face Harry if he did.

He wore a thin gold chain around his neck, from which a wedding ring dangled. It, too, was gold. It had a pair of small emeralds on the top and on the inside the words 'You'll always have my heart, Harry' were engraved.

It was a warm summers night and an elderly Sirius Black had gone to bed a few hours earlier. That night Sirius Black dreamt. He dreamed of a young boy, slightly less handsome as he once was. He dreamed of running through a forest with a stag, a rat and a werewolf. He dreamed of a woman with dark, red hair and a sharp intellect. But most of all he dreamed of a young man with messy black hair, bright green eyes and a cheeky grin who captivated him for all these years.

That hot summers night, a chill went through the home belonging to Sirius Black. And before he opened his eyes to those he considered his true family, he could've sworn he'd heard a voice long gone whisper: "You've always had my heart, Sirius."


End file.
